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The road that leads nowhere

November 18, 2008

Forgive me for that ominous title. Imagine you are in a long hallway, with a series of lights that start turning off one after the other as you start moving towards the other end. You are trying to catch up, but every step results in another one popping off in front of you. You can see the lights, but darkness is all you get.

Its not the end of your life. As long as you keep running, keep striving. Keep fooling yourself.

I’ve been on this road before, and for long now. How much does it take to break your confidence, break your mind, break your beliefs ? I’ve been shattered before, but broken ? Not yet.

Its important to break down, else the journey will continue. Losing out on precious time and precious things. Holding off things for that one fine day, when I’d get an admit.

I am at a stage in my application process where I have nothing better to do than wait. Though I know how this post is shaping up, I’m very optimistic that this time, things will be different. Every night I go to sleep with a dream that the school’s gates are opening for me. Throughout the day and as long as I’m awake, I check my mails every 10 minutes and visit the forums every now and then. I borrow interesting management titles from the library in the hope that they’ll come useful once I get through. Reach out to people and alums to discuss things about their schools which I now probably know better than them. Keep googling to see if I’ve missed out on any blog ever written by any applicant or student. Waking up with the thought that today I’ll get that interview invite. Thinking always of how an admit email will look like.

Because I know the look of a rejection email very well. Yet, I manage to bring everything in my life to that point, again and again, where an admit will change everything.

What drives me to such stupidity time and again? The faith that my time will come. The stubbornness to never give up. And the hope that that unbelievable email will one day sit right there in my inbox. And I’ll print it out and frame it.

And I want to prove myself wrong to ever think that I was on a road that led nowhere.

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. November 19, 2008 4:48 am

    grind grind grind… that is all you can do

    gl

  2. praz permalink
    November 19, 2008 8:14 am

    poignant!
    good luck with ISB- that admit letter is only hours away, touchwood.

  3. Sahil Jain permalink
    November 20, 2008 3:46 am

    It’s called life 😉

    Whatever happens .. trust me .. you will be fine.

  4. jet permalink
    November 20, 2008 8:06 pm

    whats the result of ISB ?

  5. November 21, 2008 3:24 am

    Your time will come soon. Just have faith and keep your head high. Its only a matter of time, but thats what is killing all of us…Good luck to you and everyone else (including me) who is in the same boat…I am sure that we all will get to witness the moment when that “one” special “gate” will open its doors and when that light that we have been running towards will remain lit until we have gotten there….

  6. ahembeea permalink*
    November 21, 2008 1:11 pm

    Omg – ‘grinding to a halt’ is what I hope it doesn’t end up as!

    Praz, Jet – ISB dinged me. Yes.

    Sahil – I do need your words of encouragement!

    Suntaurian – good luck to you as well buddy. Hope we get there very soon!

  7. jet permalink
    November 21, 2008 1:37 pm

    Part of life.

  8. Sushant permalink
    November 21, 2008 1:50 pm

    I have a feeling that you will get a Kellogg admit, keeping my fingers crossed for you! Good luck

  9. ahembeea permalink*
    November 21, 2008 2:12 pm

    Jet – Not a part that should go on for long, right.

    Sushant – a royal treat for you is guaranteed if it so happens. Thx!

  10. Javid permalink
    January 19, 2009 7:23 pm

    You need to stop whining. Thousands of applicants are going through this process every year. No need to be so dramatic about it.

  11. ahembeea permalink*
    January 19, 2009 7:41 pm

    Javid – Thousands of them aren’t blogging about it. I wish they did, so that we could have seen how dramatic it really gets for the others.

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