The road that leads nowhere
Forgive me for that ominous title. Imagine you are in a long hallway, with a series of lights that start turning off one after the other as you start moving towards the other end. You are trying to catch up, but every step results in another one popping off in front of you. You can see the lights, but darkness is all you get.
Its not the end of your life. As long as you keep running, keep striving. Keep fooling yourself.
I’ve been on this road before, and for long now. How much does it take to break your confidence, break your mind, break your beliefs ? I’ve been shattered before, but broken ? Not yet.
Its important to break down, else the journey will continue. Losing out on precious time and precious things. Holding off things for that one fine day, when I’d get an admit.
I am at a stage in my application process where I have nothing better to do than wait. Though I know how this post is shaping up, I’m very optimistic that this time, things will be different. Every night I go to sleep with a dream that the school’s gates are opening for me. Throughout the day and as long as I’m awake, I check my mails every 10 minutes and visit the forums every now and then. I borrow interesting management titles from the library in the hope that they’ll come useful once I get through. Reach out to people and alums to discuss things about their schools which I now probably know better than them. Keep googling to see if I’ve missed out on any blog ever written by any applicant or student. Waking up with the thought that today I’ll get that interview invite. Thinking always of how an admit email will look like.
Because I know the look of a rejection email very well. Yet, I manage to bring everything in my life to that point, again and again, where an admit will change everything.
What drives me to such stupidity time and again? The faith that my time will come. The stubbornness to never give up. And the hope that that unbelievable email will one day sit right there in my inbox. And I’ll print it out and frame it.
And I want to prove myself wrong to ever think that I was on a road that led nowhere.