Now feeling – shaky
The countdown has begun, and despite what I might have said in the previous posts, I’m still uncertain about my school list. I have a vague idea of what I want to do post MBA, but the way I am articulating it in the essays suggests that I am absolutely clear about it. My list of schools is too long. It does not have a safety school. Most of them now look like stretch schools. There is tremendous activity on the personal front, it will keep me well occupied for the next few weeks. I am not sure how much time I will be able to take out, and to which schools I will finally apply. At times, the energy seems to be wavering. Whatever essays I have worked on give me the same rehashed feeling that has failed me before.The work is still fine, with the hope that I will quit it the day I get through. I see no future if I don’t. I know what I am looking for, but beginning to question why, instead of why not. To think that I can’t do it is unacceptable, and won’t do it is impossible. Despite all these thought processes, I want it very badly. Else I think I’ll fade away. Can’t admit that this race is not for me. Though I don’t feel I am cut out for the brashness. Being good should have its virtue. Am I treading the wrong path ?My essays are unreal. This is real, a part of me. At times like these when I am not too confident. And only human. This year will end it all, once and forever. Its been crazy, running all these years. I am not ready to give it up. Yet.
When will it finally come, and force me out of it.
How can I give up, something that could never be mine ?